A Parent's Guide toTeaching your Child Refusal Skills
Dear Parents:
With our children rests our hope for tommorrow. Unfortunately, our children are growing up
in a society far different than when we walked in their shoes.
As adults, we assume a lot of responsibilities, but none greater than guiding and shaping
our children. Today's youth travels a road filled with choices about drugs, gangs and
violence. Our children need a sense of direction- they need your direction, for without
it, they likely will become lost.
Saying No to offers involving drug abuse, gangs or violence sounds so simple-but to our
children their ability to refuse such offers often brings a sense of fear and confusion.
Our children's refusal skills need to become instinctive- for only then will they become
confident in their ability to Just Say No to Drugs.
While this refusal technique is certainly the most fundamental, some children simply forget to try it. Simply SAYING NO THANKS often works when children are faced with friendly or teasing pressure. However it is important that our children understand that sometimes SAYING NO THANKS doesn't work. They need to develop the knowledge and confidence that there are other refusal skills. They need to keep trying until they find one that does work.
Sometimes children have a stigma about SAYING NO to their friends. Teach your child that in order to avoid peer pressures about drug abuse, gangs or violence that sometimes they can GIVE A REASON OR EXCUSE. Help your child to always have a reason or excuse stored in their memory, that way when it is time to use it they do so without hesitation and sound confident. It is important that the reason or excuse they use must serve its main purpose- to get them away from the person making the offer. Stress to your child they should not get into an argument with the person making an offer- it is an argument they are not likely to win!
BROKEN RECORD, or SAYING NO as many times as necessay is an effective refusal technique when your child needs to position him/herself so that they may use one of the other refusal technique. This skill may serve as a stall technique.
By far, WALKING AWAY, is one of the most effective refusal skills. Children need to fully understand that they have a Right to Say No to offers which involve making bad choices. Time and time again, children feel obligated to stand and face "the enemy". Tell your child, they need to put one foot in front of the other!
There are situations when your children are not able to WALK AWAY or otherwise avoid pressure. Teach them they can CHANGE THE SUBJECT, or very simply talk and talk and talk about anything but the offer put before them. Eventually, if they keep talking long enough the opportunity to WALK AWAY or utilize another refusal skill will present itself.
Talk to your child about his or her activities. Do you know where they are going and who they are going with? Common sense tells us there are places and times when the risks of pressures and violence are increased. Both you and your child must work together to simply AVOID THOSE SITUATIONS!
This refusal skill, much like BROKEN RECORD, provides your child with the opportunity to avoid directly confronting a person making an offer involving a bad choice. Teach your child they do not have to talk-they can look the other way, turn their shoulder or start a conversation with someone else. Again, they need to know how to buy some time until they can use another refusal skill.
STRENGTH IN NUMBERS is the most important refusal skill we can give to our children. The truth is simple- if our children surround themselves with friends that make good choices, they too will likely make good choices- if they surround themselves with friends who make bad choices, they too will likely make bad choices. One of the most important choices your child can make is their choice of friends. Help them, guide them, for choosing friends alone is an awesome task. It is a task with serious consequences.
beard@socketis.net
Copyright © 1996 Bruce A. Beard
NATURAL HIGHS
* Falling in love.
* Laughing so hard your face hurts.
* A hot shower.
* No lines at the Super Walmart.
* A special glance.
* Getting mail.
* Taking a drive on a pretty road.
* Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
* Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
* Hot towels out of the dryer.
* Walking out of your last final.
* Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
* Chocolate milkshake.
* A long distance phone call.
* Getting invited to a dance.
* A bubble bath.
* Giggling.
* A good conversation.
* A care package.
* The beach.
* Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter.
* Laughing at yourself.
* Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
* Running through sprinklers.
* Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
* Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
* Laughing at an inside joke.
* Friends.
* Falling in love for the first time.
* Slumber parties.
* Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
* Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
* Your first kiss.
* Being part of a team.
* Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
* Playing with a new puppy.
* Late night talks with your roommate that keep you from sleeping.
* Having someone play with your hair.
* Sweet dreams.
* Hot chocolate.
* Road trips with friends.
* Swinging on swings.
* Watching a good movie cuddled up on a couch with someone you love.
* Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies
and drinking eggnog.
* Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along
without feeling stupid.
* Going to a really good concert.
* Getting butterflies in your stomach every time you see that one person.
* Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
* Winning a really competitive game.
* Making chocolate chip cookies!
* Having your friends send you homemade cookies!
* Spending time with close friends!
* Running through the fountains with your friends.
* Riding a bike downhill.
* The feeling after running a few miles-an accomplishment!
* The feeling you get the first time you step on stage.
* Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends...
* Holding hands with someone you care about.
* Wearing your boyfriend's shirt that still smells like his cologne.
* Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good
or bad) never change.
* Discovering that love is unconditional and stronger than time.
* Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
* Hugging the person you love.
* Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a
much-desired present from you.
* Kisses on your forehead from the first and only boy you have ever loved.
* Watching the sunrise.
* Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.
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